Life is full of difficult decisions. Jobs change, life offers new opportunities and we all must make important decisions. This blog has been a long time coming. I haven't been able to put into writing something that is so vital to me.
What to do with Johnny?
Oh dear Johnny. For 11 years now I have pined after you. I remember when I first heard you were to star in "Pirates of the Caribbean" that I huffed and puffed. Johnny Depp? Ugh. Who wants to see him in a movie? Well I soon ate my words. Your dirty, semi-gay pirate had me swooning. And it was all over for me.
Soon Britney and I began a weekly tradition of "artichoke/Johnny Depp night". A night that would go down in infamy for the amount of butter/mayo consumed while enjoying a Johnny Depp movie. For a couple of years we kept this up. We even traveled to the Salt Flats in a desperate attempt to find you filming (apparently we were a couple months early). Soon we ran out of movies to keep up with.
Sweet Johnny when did you become such a sell out? You were brilliant in "Chocolat" and I still shudder when you kiss Juliette Binoche.
You made me cry my eyes out with the magic you brought in "Finding Neverland". I didn't even mind the 2nd "Pirates" movie. But then something changed. Your movies became worse. I had high hopes for "Public Enemies", "The Rum Diaries" and "The Tourist". And yet each movie fell flat. I could barely sit through the 4th "Pirates", I was amused by "Sweeney Todd" and I couldn't even bring myself to watch "Dark Shadows." And then I found out you left your partner and mother of your children for a 27-year-old bi-sexual beauty. That's it. I can't do it anymore Johnny. It pains me. But I have to let you go.
It's for the best. I suppose a part of me will always love you my dear Johnny. I think it's best that we move on. Goodbye Johnny....goodbye...
Therefore, may I proposed the new Top 5? An important decision for any woman in a happy relationship...
1. Jon Hamm
There is this odd this about Jon Hamm. He is really hottest as Don Draper. The feminist in me hates this but when he plays the mysogynistic Don Draper on Mad Men, he is at his hottest. Mad Men is the best show on TV and for seven seasons my love for Jon Hamm has just grown. My hope for the end of the series is that Don Draper just stops trying to be a good guy and just lives his life at the top of his game with a different mistress every night. There, I said it. That's my hope. Another reason I love Jon Hamm is that he is totally cool and funny in real life. A bit overly goofy but come on, I'm not going to throw him out of bed for being too goofy. Argh. He just does it for me. That's all. He's the best. He's my #1.
2. Benedict Cumberbatch
I admit, this is very surprising. I remember the first time I watched "Sherlock" I thought he was weird looking. He is weird looking. Incredibly so. Yet as time went on the guy just started to grow on me. And grow on me. The show got better, his character got better and buy the last season - that's it. Smitten. Another seemingly cool celebrity in real life. He also has the best name. There was a part of me that wanted to put him first. Because that's how much I love him right now. I am happily considered a "Cumberbitch" and I'm proud of it. Another reason I love him, he hates that expression and has tried to rebrand his lady fans as the "Cumbercollective". Oh dear Benedict. You deserve #2.
3. George Clooney
I don't have much to say other than - he's held this spot firmly for over a decade. He's insanely talented. He's insanely cool. And he's insanely handsome in a very timeless way. He's classy and he's sexy as hell. Oh and pretty much every movie he touches is golden. But, of all the men on the top 5 - I have a hunch that he would be the best - well - lets just say I have a hunch the man knows exactly what to do, and how to do it. That's all I'm going to say. George, if you ever decide you are tired of Italian supermodels and would rather settle for a short, stubby 33-year-old OCD freak show - I'm here.
4. Robert Downey Junior
I've loved RDJ for years and years. I loved him in "Chances Are" and "Only You". I loved him when he got over his drug addictions and made a comeback as Iron Man. He's a great actor and may be the coolest guy in Hollywood. Seriously, how much do you wish you were friends with him - and by friends I clearly mean "lovers"?
5. Leonardo DiCaprio
Leo almost didn't make the list. No one did. I decided to opt for Leo because of all of the men I have loved, I have loved him the longest. As soon as he peeked through that fish tank at Claire Danes in "Romeo and Juliet" I was hooked. My 16-year-old self thought he was the most attractive person on the planet. Now, I still find him very attractive. He made the cut because he is insanely talented. Like George Clooney nearly every movie he is in is incredible. I just really really like him. And I would really really be ok with having a little rumble with him - if you know what I'm saying...
Phew. There it is. I have seen many men come and go from the top 5 over the last 15 years (Richard Gere, Antonio Banderas, Brad Little - he he he). Yet in my "mature" age of 33 I feel this is a very good list. A very good list indeed. I highly suggest you make your own . Cause you just never know. I may just run across one of these guys. And they may "just" wanna have a romantic night with yours truly. It may happen.