This week I will officially be 6 months pregnant. 6 months! That's my "holy crap this is real" marker. Overall I am feeling great. I'm definitely showing - showing to the point that strangers can look at me and figure out I am pregnant. Showing to the point that I can't really comfortably zip up my jackets and coats.
I really feel like I have started to pop the last 3 weeks or so. So much in fact that my normally huge "inny" belly-button is starting to turn into an "outy" belly- button. Trust me, I never thought this would happen. But it has and I think it's hilarious. It's getting harder to bend over and do things I am used to doing like painting my toenails. And my normal sleeping requires 2 pillow and a body pillow. This has now increased to 3 pillows and a body pillow. Seth barely has room in the bed anymore. I feel Millie moving all the time now. Seth can't really feel it but I now recognize the movements. Oh and I can't stop craving sugar. I had not one but two carmel doughnuts from Leslie's Bakery last night (man if I had another here I would totally be eating it right now). I have always liked sugar but I'll tell you what - pickles and popcorn are not nearly as appealing now. I just want cookies, candy, freaking chocolate chips (if that's all you have in your house - which is totally my situation right now). I was talking to a coworker and he asked me what I was craving. I told him sugar. He said, "Huh. Alice craved celery."
Why can't I be more like Alice?
I kinda hate Alice (I don't even know her)
Being pregnant brings out really funny behaviors in other people. A few weeks ago I ran into an old Make-A-Wish volunteer at Cafe Rio. He is about my age, single and well - not the smartest guy in the world. But nice. Awkward but nice in general. We weren't ever close when he was a volunteer, like I was with many others. He was more of an acquaintance. Anyway a few weeks ago I did have a small belly but nothing like I have now. I haven't seen this volunteer in 2-3 years. He didn't hesitate to walk up to me, give me a side hug and then proceed to put his hand on my stomach and say, "I see you are with child."
Um. First, yes, I am with child but pretty ballsy at this point to say it outright. I mean, even when women are noticeably pregnant I worry about asking if they are pregnant. You just never know. Second, wow really? You had to touch me like that? Ha. I mean I know lots of people are going to touch me and for the most part I don't care. However if I barely know you please don't touch me without asking. That's just weird. When was the last time you walked up to a relative stranger and touched their stomach without asking? Unless that person is Santa you probably haven't done it.
The fact that I am at my 6 month mark has really made me anxious. I feel like Seth and I still have so much to do to get ready for this baby. Our house feels like we are in a constant state of construction. Ok it doesn't just feel like it, we ARE in a constant state of construction. The baby room is being insulated and is covered in 3 inches of insulation and dust. The workers didn't put down tarps on our carpet. Who does that!? I still have no bathroom upstairs and have to share the bathroom with our friend Steve who is now living in the basement. I have this huge need to "nest" but that really just turns into me dusting, vacuuming, and mopping my house 2 times a week because of all the construction dust. Even if I had the baby's room empty and ready to go I am nervous about picking the crib. What if I pick one that isn't safe? I am nervous about picking the right stroller, car seats, high chairs, etc. I just want to take a big nap and have someone else tell me what I should get.
I feel a bit like Miranda in Sex and the City, "Why do we need a Crib World? Why can't there just be one great crib that is the best and you can have it delivered and set up?" I totally feel that way. My taste is far too expensive. I mean this is the rocker I want for crying out loud. We can't afford it.
It's funny because I actually feel not that nervous about the baby arriving. I think Seth and I will be pretty good at taking care of Millie. I've always been a baby person. I have always been comfortable with babies. They don't scare me. I can't wait to have her here. I dream about her nearly every night and I'm always a bit sad when I wake up and she's not here. I am just scared of having everything I need once Millie makes her grand entrance.
Speaking of grand entrances - labor is starting to scare me. I really want to have her naturally. I think I can do it but man am I nervous! I guess it's time to start looking into birthing classes. (note to self: add this to my loooooong to-do list). Oh wait, if you look closely you will see it's already on the list. Pick a list - any list!
So is this much panic normal? Is this feeling of being totally overwhelmed normal? I know that the last 2-3 weeks have been chaos with the KUER Fund Drive, 2 surprise birthday parties for my mom and dad, construction, etc. I just feel like I am going to cry. Oh and I want to sleep all the time. It's 8:45 pm and I am excited for the 9:00 hour to roll around so that I can have a reasonable excuse to go to sleep.
On a lighter note - fall has arrived! I am so happy. My pumpkin candle is nearly always lit. Tonight we had home-made chicken noodle soup and acorn squash. I can wear my maternity clothes that I bought for fall. Fall is good. This makes me happy. This keeps me going when I feel like I am going to cry.