A Little Perspective

I have a lot of emotions going through my head right now. Seth and I are moving in less than two weeks. Since we are leaving in such a short amount of time I guarantee I will be blogging sufficiently less. Lets look at the bright side though - soon enough I will be living in Boise and not working so I am going to have AMPLE time to blog.

I could blog and blog and blog about my fears, excitements, apprehensions and butterflies concerning moving. Tonight I am feeling sad. I just had my last work committee meeting and had to say goodbye to some dear friends and volunteers. I am sad because I feel like a sad dog, leaving Make-A-Wish with my tail between my legs. I am sad that I will always be known as the girl that "bailed" before a big event. When truly I wish I could be known as the girl that was a lot of fun to work with - and put on great events. Leaving Make-A-Wish right now is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. It really came down to me deciding what was more important: work or Seth. As much as I love my job I choose Seth. Of course. I feel like choosing my family is the right option-but it is still very hard. I have offered to stay through the gala, I have offered to work for free, to telecommute, etc...but they aren't interested. I guess I just need to let it go. It's just hard. I don't know that I will ever find a job that I love as much as Make-A-Wish. I suppose I can only hope.

Whenever I start feeling sorry for myself life smacks me upside the head. I get a major wake-up call and a certain amount of perspective.

Yesterday my cousin lost her little boy Jackson in a fire. The fire started in their apartment complex. She got out, and her 18-year-old son got out, but Jackson didn't make it. My cousin couldn't find him and tried to get back in the apartment but no luck. Jackson died of smoke inhalation.

My poor sweet cousin not only lost one of her children (which no one should ever have to go through) but she lost everything she owned in that fire. Just 6 weeks ago she was laid off, she had no insurance and was barely getting by. She also lost her mom when she was 18 years old. My aunt Julie was killed in a motorcycle accident years and years ago. She has already had so much grief and so much heartache in her life.

And now this...

My heart breaks for her. I didn't know Jackson well, and my cousin has been rather estranged from our family for several years now. Its been a long time since I have even seen her. But my heart breaks. I can't imagine ever picking myself up off the ground again after something like that. I know people will rally around her - will help buy her possessions, will offer love, etc. Sadly though, nothing we say or do will take away the fact that she lost her little boy.

It's terrible. And here I am feeling bad about leaving a job to go on a new adventure with my husband - that loves me? Come on Becky - a little perspective.

Another sad story I heard this week. One of our little wish kids just lost his Mom. This little 6-year-old boy had cancer. I met him a few times when he helped record some PSAs for me. Such a cute boy and such a sweet and caring mother. Another single mom struggling to get by - with a kid with cancer.

I found out today that mom just passed away this weekend - of cancer.

How is this fair? Hasn't this family suffered enough? I am so sad for this little boy. I know he'll be loved and cared for, but he at 6-years-old has already suffered more than any of us should suffer in a lifetime.

And then there is Haiti. Again, a country that is in poverty, a country that is instable, and now this...

Why do such terrible natural disasters tend to happen to the poor, and to those who can't help themselve? Really think about it. Think about the Tsunami...think about Katrina...think about Myanmar. It's always to the poor. It hurts. I don't understand it.

Why is it that so many people get more than their fair share of sorrow? Why is it some people tend to go through life without so much as a hiccup here and there?

Don't give me that "God only gives you what you can handle" crap - because I don't want to hear it. Life isn't fair. Children die, people get cancer, single mom's die, people lose all that they own (no matter how modest) in moments...

I am not looking for answers I am just looking for a place to put my emotions down. To be angry and sad for the hurt so many in this world are facing.

I don't know about you but it makes my life and my problems seem miniscule. I am lucky. Very lucky.

I know tonight I will be praying for strength. Not for me but for the many many people in this world that are hurting.

And the Winner Is?

Ladies and gentlemen - the time has finally arrived. Seth and I have made a decision! GASP!

I know. It's amazing. After much soul searching, praying, thinking and seemingly ENDLESS hours of discussion we have accepted a job in the lovely city of Boise.

When we started this job hunting process Seth really wanted to stay in Boise. He loves Boise - as do I. Sadly jobs were just not available there. A lot of his classmates really wanted to stay in Boise but just couldn't find jobs. So perhaps this long delay was fated?

Toward the end we were making a decision between two cities: Boston and Boise.

Boston was actually a residency program, not a job. It was a great opportunity for Seth and I . . . until we found out that he would be working 60-80 hours a week

80 HOURS A WEEK! Seriously. Who does that? That is five to six shifts of over 13 hours. I mean come on! Seth and I basically would have seen each other while sleeping and that's it. Also imagine how exhausted and stressed he would be.

Now imagine how lonely and possibly depressed I could have been....

In Boise Seth will be working an 8-5 job (at a prison - true story). Sure he may work up to 50 hours a week. But 50 hours as week is still 30 hours a week less than he would have worked in Boston. 30 hours a week! That's nearly a full time job difference.

In the long run this was the driving force in our decison. We don't want to spend our first year of marriage not seeing each other. We have spent way too much of our relationship apart from each other. It's time to enjoy being together... out of my parent's basement.

Now don't get me wrong, it really was still a tough decision. We have had these grand ideas of moving somewhere to have an adventure. Boston sounded like that adventure. I had these grand ideas of driving to New York (my favorite city) for the weekend. Or driving up to Maine to see the autumn leaves! If I happened to be bored on a weekday (while Seth worked a 16 hour shift) I would head into the city and go to a fabulous museum.

But as the wise Sarah not Timms told me "You would definitely have an adventure in Boston. You and Seth would just have different adventures, not an adventure together."

Not an adventure together? Um - no. We have done the seperate adventure thing before. We did that for 2 years. We'll take an adventure together thank you very much!

Then we got to thinking. We honestly will have more of an adventure in Boise, Idaho. Who knew? With the Boise job we will have the flexibility to travel! Prague is now officially on our agenda this year.

We can train for a triathlon together. We can go camping, we can go up to McCall. We can take off and go to Seattle for the weekend. We can cook dinner at night and go to the farmer's market on Saturday mornings. The bottom line is - Boise offers us the freedom to have a mutual adventure. And that is awesome.

Other perks for Boise:

1. Possible loan repayment (up to $50,000 over 2 years! Hello!)

2. Great housing. The housing prices there are amazing right now. We will be able to purchase a great home in Boise. I have these visions of having a garden. This makes me happy. I am totally going to grow my own arugula and tomoatoes.

3. It's close to home - but far enough away. We love our families. We want to feel like we can hop in the car and come home if needed. We also like knowing that our family and friends can drive 5 hours and be up in Boise to see us. I like knowing that when I have a baby my mom is close by. However, we are still 5 hours away which gives us a sense of being "far away". It's kind of the best of both worlds.

4. We have friends in Boise. Ashtin - one of my very best and oldest friends lives in Boise. We haven't lived in the same state for about 10 years now. It will be so nice to be near her. Plus we have Kate & Drew...who I am convinced will keep Seth and I in shape! We also have a handful of other friends. This is really nice.

5. Boise is just cool. It is. Don't knock it until you have been there. I love the community. I love the downtown. I love the restaurants and the coffee shops. I love the river and the greenbelt. I love how active the people are there. Plus - the residents are NICE. It's weird but they really are nice.

I could go on and on. It's a great decision and I am so happy that we have FINALLY made it. We will be leaving soon. Seth will probably move there in about 10 days and I will move there at the end of the month. YIKES!

I do have a lot of feelings. Today I gave my notice to Make-A-Wish and it was heart breaking. It is so sad to leave a job that I love. I can only hope that someday I will have a job that I love as much as Make-A-Wish. I'll blog about this later but I have to say that the staff has been amazing through this whole process. I am leaving at a really terrible time - and for the most part they are really understanding. But Seth is my priority now. He is my life. More than anything I want to be with him. And that is what matters most.

In 2010 I Resolve...

I love New Years. Not the holiday - cause New Years is pretty lame. BUT I do love starting fresh. I am the girl that can't start diets mid-weeek. I always have to start things fresh on Monday. That's why the new year is so great. It's the ultimate Monday for fresh starts. I have been known to stay up until 3:00 am on New Years just to make sure I write down my resolutions for the next day.

Now, I have totally relaxed on this but I still love to set some resolutions. So- I present to you my list for 2010. I may have kept some of these out - but you get the idea.

1. Complete a Triathlon! Dude, I can totally do this. I can run (maybe not well but I can run - I have done a marathon afterall). I can bike (new favorite thing) but I can't swim all that well. Luckily I have an awesome swimmer for a husband. Seth will totally help me out so I don't feel like I am going to die. This will be fun to train for. I know that biking totally helps my running. I am going to be a "Hot, fit wife". In fact, I think I'll look at lot like this girl, don't you?

It's true. Plus - I need to follow in my Rock Star Sister's footsteps.

2. Yoga Weekly - I started going to yoga once or twice a week back in 2007 and I have loved it. Lately I have slacked and I have started to feel it. My headaches are back. My stiff neck is around...I am short of breath. You get the idea. So - back to weekly yoga. Check! I can do that. If only I could do awesome poses like this...

Sigh, maybe someday.

3. Run a 1/2 marathon - I have decided that a 1/2 marathon is the perfect amount of training for a runner. An actual marathon is too hard on the body. My knees went to shit when I ran the marathon. But - a half marathon is doable. 13.1 miles - no worries. Last time I was training I got pneumonia and obviously had to stop running. Seth ran the 1/2 and I cried watching the runners cross the finish line. It's time to get back on the bandwagon. So this year I am going to do another 1/2 marathon. If I can get up to 7 miles training I know I'll make it. I am running about 4 miles right now. This I can do. Signing up for races helps keep me motivated.

Even though I look like this after I am done -

And Meili looks like this when she finishes -

Ha ha ha! Sorry Meili I had to do it. It IS totally worth it though. That's why I have a love/hate relationship with running.

4. Eat More Whole Foods - In case you don't know this about me - I love food. Yes I do. However the last few months I have eaten way too much processed food. I miss fresh food! I hate how I feel after I eat a large fattening meal. So this year I am going to eat more whole foods. I realize this will be expensive and will mean shopping at places like "Whole Foods" (imagine that!?). Seth & I have agreed to stay away from food with partially hydrogenated oils or high fructose corn syrup. This is more difficult right now because we don't really buy the groceries. But when we live on our own this will be a shopping rule. This is not going to be easy. Some of my favorite things have both of these ingredients. But - gotta do what I gotta do.

5. Watch Gossip - moving on from the "health portion" of my resolutions. I need to watch my gossip. Especially at work. It is easy to start complaining. It is easy to nitpick. I don't like when I get sucked into it. I don't like wondering and knowing that people are gossiping about me. So I am going to really try and watch this. Enough said. I'll be happier. I know I will.

6. Be More Giving - I am so lucky. I have a wonderful husband. I have a beautiful home, more clothes than I will ever need, and so much food that I complain about being fat. Wow. Sometimes I just need keep some perspective. I want to focus on giving year round - not just during the holidays. I want to give money to homeless people on the street without passing judgement. I want to give my time to those that need it. I want to be giving to my friends. Seth and I will be in a good position soon and there is no reason we shouldn't give more of ourselves. Now this resolution is harder to quantify, but I think it's important that it is there.

7. Visit a foreign country - This is actually a life goal. I want to visit a foreign country every year of my life. It doesn't need to be Europe or Asia. It can be somewhere in Canada. I just want to see the world. In my "pefect life" I would go to Prague this year. Oh man look at it!! I am dying to go here. Seth...you in!?

8. Be more confident in "me" - I struggle with this. I want to be confident. I honestly feel like most of the time I am pretty confident. But I need to be comfortable with ME and not the "me with these resolutions". I am never going to be that stick skinny girl...I will always have more curves and muscles. And that's ok. That is still sexy - I need to believe this. I am quirky. I am opinionated. I am anxious and I have my OCD. But all of these things make me...ME. I am not sure how to accomplish this but I am going to work on being more comfortable in my own skin. Even it means I make faces like this.

So - if you hear me putting myself down - please stop me. I promise to return the favor.
Ok - so that's it. Well, at least that is what I am listing on my blog. I put it out to you to keep me accountable blog readers. I also challenge you to think of some ways in which you will improve yourself for 2010. It's daunting in a way - but exciting. Horray for 2010. I am excited to see what you bring me.