I love my grandpa and have found that in the time since he has been gone, I talk to him a lot. When I pray I often talk to Grandpa. I find a bit of peace knowing that he is always near by. I feel that he has been around to watch over me. My cousin dreamed about him shortly after he passed away. In the dream he said to her (sorry Jenna if this isn't totally accurate) "Death is just like being in the next room. I am all around you." I believe this - and feel this often.
Last Thanksgiving we honored Grandpa as a family. We went to his grave and released balloons in his honor. We also went to a driving range and hit a few balls for him. No one loved golf quite like my Nonno.
This year we aren't doing anything as a family to honor grandpa. I know we will all recognize him in our own ways though. We are all going our seperate ways this Thanksgiving. However, I wanted to do something to remember my Beetle. Shortly after he died I spent a lot of time writing in my journal about him. I am going to share part of what I wrote today. To help all of us who knew and loved him remember him, and be grateful for the time we had with him on this Thanksgiving holiday.
The not so great things about this job: it's in ortho which Seth isn't too hyped on, we couldn't start until the end of January, which is a long time, it's near Tacoma (ghetto), rain (bad for Seth, perk for me), and an expensive cost of living. So there is Tacoma!
2. Salt Lake City - What what!? Salt Lake City? Becky and Seth may stay here? Yes ladies and gentlemen, it's true. We MIGHT stay in Utah. Seth had a 2nd interview at the Bone Marrow Clinic at LDS Hospital last week. Apparently they really liked him. Perks of staying here: Duh...seriously. It's obvious. Friends,
Stay tuned for a blog about Grandpa. Who I am missing so much this week it hurts.
This leads me to another topic. The top 5. This is very important. You should establish yours. Here is my current top 5.
2. Daniel Craig - seriously. The picture of him in his swimsuit was too obvious. This is hot.
4. Clive Owen - maybe it's the accent? Rarrrrr!
Ok, who is your top 5? Also, I would like to apologize to my dear Seth if he happens to read this (he probably won't). This list in no way diminishes my love for you babe. Just sayin... You are my real #1 (cheesy?)
In 2000, sweet 4-year-old Ali, a beautiful girl with long curly blond hair, was a happy, care-free little girl. Her carefree path through childhood was filled with Barney, baby dolls, princesses, and The Little Mermaid. Things changed quickly when her parents noticed her right eye was drooping. They took her to the doctor and were devastated to hear that she had Rhabdomyosarcoma, a fast growing, highly malignant tumor. The tumor was growing behind her right eye, which was causing the drooping. Unfortunately, the doctors were unable to remove the entire tumor without having to also remove Ali’s eye and eye socket. Her parents chose instead to try an experimental chemotherapy treatment and radiation. Every week for one year, Ali received chemotherapy. She also received 40 days of radiation. She was a sick girl but refused to take her pain medication because then she would be “too sick to play.” When she would visit the hospital for her treatments she would often bring toys and gifts for the “really sick kids” in the hospital. She felt invincible, in a way.
During her treatments Ali had the chance to have a wish granted from the Make-A-Wish Foundation of Utah! When she met with her wish granting volunteers, Ali first wished at first to go to Jerusalem to see where Jesus lived. Then she wished to go on a Disney Cruise. Within a couple of days, however, she had changed her mind and asked if she could have a computer instead because it would be "something she could have forever…and play with every day." She also wondered if she could have a touch-screen computer because she couldn't read well enough to understand all the writing.
Ali's Wish Granters went to work immediately to design an idyllic wish for a five-year-old little girl. They found a purple chair, a matching telephone, an Ali-sized computer desk, a Barbie digital camera, a scanner, and lots of fun software. And they designed the perfect wish day.
The magic began when Ali was taken by limo to Guadalahonky's (her favorite restaurant) for a celebration meal with friends and family. Arriving back at the house, Ali became a "wish princess" for the day with her own special crown and a beautiful wrist corsage. Her wish granters had laid on the floor a "wish path" that Ali had to follow, picking up small treasures like candies and toys on the way. Her bedroom was at the end of the trail, and when Ali saw what awaited her and touched the screen for the first time, she shrieked with delight. She was totally mesmerized by her computer.
Ali’s wish was more than just a piece of technology, it was a chance to escape her world of doctors and treatments and enter a world of imagination. She and her sister Michelle spent hours and hours playing on the computer. Ali exclaimed, "It's like magic. I feel like I'm right there under the water with Ariel." Her mom told us, "I realized that Make-A-Wish truly accomplished what it set out to accomplish. It took her out of a doctor's world and back into a little girl's world."
Ali is no longer a little girl. She is a beautiful 13-year-old teenager. She is in the 8th grade but is actually ahead of her grade academically. She enjoys school, reading and hanging out with her friends. Ali also loves to travel and is lucky to go on lots of vacations with her family (including Europe!)
Ali has been in remission for 8 years, although she will never fully be risk free. She has had a total of 12 surgeries since her diagnosis. During her cancer treatment Ali lost all of the vision in her right eye. Luckily, she has since received a new lens, reconstructive surgery on her eyelid and now has 20/20 vision. It is no surprise that ally wants to be an eye doctor when she grows up. That way, she can help others to see as clearly as she does now.
Anyway we arrived at the house last night and saw a note with a $10 bill. "Becky & Seth, this is for going to church."
Not sure that's going to be the swaying factor for us going back to church- but we laughed pretty hard - and then gave the money to his friend James for gas money.
- Gone are the days when I stress out about where Seth and I are moving to.
- Gone are the days where I swear and freak out when I find out yet another job needs 2 more weeks to decide whether or not to hire Seth!
- Gone are the days where I freak out about the idea of not being able to have my own house and Christmas tree with Seth for our first Christmas as a married couple.
- Gone are the days where I worry about whether I will be leaving Make-A-Wish, should Seth and I leave, because I know I will have everything taken care of and in a good place for them.
There is one thing that I have learned from my darling husband, to just "let it be." I have never been someone to just let things go. When I was going through my divorce I was a mess (obviously). Seth used to say to me, "You are fine, you are going to be ok. Just let it be. Stop trying to control it."
- Work every day at Make-A-Wish like it is my last. Because honestly, if I have to leave, I am going to miss it desperately. I mean, how could I not?
- Continue going to yoga. Yoga has changed my life in so many ways. When I am going, I feel better. I feel more relaxed, I feel stronger, I feel more centered. Since my wedding I have fallen off the bandwagon a bit, and BOY have I felt the difference. So, back to yoga, check!
- Find a sense of spirituality again. Since I have been inactive in the church, I have lost a sense of spirituality. I want to feel some connection to God again. It's hard to find it when you aren't part of the religion you identified with all of your life. So, I vow to pray daily, maybe read some religious/inspirational books and try to improve who I am as a person.
- Let it be. That's right. This will be the hardest one for me. I can't control the future, I can't force people to do anything. I simply have to let things be. Another thing that I have learned is that life is perfect. Everything will work out the way that it is supposed to. Enough said. Let it be. In the words of the great Beatles song, "Let it be, let it be. Let it be, ya let it be. There will be an answer, let it be."
- Not get down on myself. Seriously, I have too much to be grateful for. A great husband, a family and loves and supports me, wonderful friends, a great job. We have a place to live (rent free) until we find out where we are landing. We are very lucky. I should be enjoying this time. Once Seth has a job, he'll likely be working long hours (which is fine) and I won't see him as much.
So that's it. Those are my current goals. I owe it to Seth and those closest to me to fix things. I'm sorry I haven't been better. Part of me and my OCD is goal setting, so lets see if it works. Wish me luck.
Not to mention any names... you know who you are...
I personally think it adds character! The above women have been known to do the following:
- Lysol wipe their toilet seats every day before leaving the house.
- Put everything in tupperware and use a label maker to label everything.
- Shine all the faucets in the house before going to bed at night.
2. Night time routine: Oh guys this is a bad one for me. It really is. Anyone that has ever slept at my house, gone on vacation with me, etc...knows this. First, I MUST wash my face every night. I maybe miss washing my face 3-4 times a year. Also, I must brush my teeth. Then, I have to have my bed in perfect "sleeping condition". I sleep with 4 pillows and a body pillow. They all must be in the perfect position on my bed. Oh, and I can't go to sleep when I have a messy room. Every extra pillow on my bed has its place on my floor. Clothes are put away, even the picture frames and such have to be in the right position. Pathetic, I know.
3. The Perfect Bite: I also have this OCD thing with the perfect bite. This is especially bad with sandwiches, hamburgers, etc. When I order one I always rearrange my sandwich. I have to have the perfect amount of pickles, and they must be spread out. I often remove some of the meat, or the bread (waste of calories), also I can't stand chunks of lettuce. I have to ensure that every bite has a balanced amount of veggies, meat, cheese and bread.4. Work Habits- I have a little notebook in which I write down EVERYTHING that I need to do with work. It can be something as complicated as "Find a $25,000 sponsor for the gala" or as simple as "file Dave's check into golf binder". This I think makes me a better employee because most of the time, I don't forget to do things. It brings me a lot of pleasure to be able to cross things off my list. Sometimes I can't get any work done if there is a pile of stuff on my desk. I sort it, add things to my list and then put it in my tray. It always feels so good to get going on "my list".
You should know certain things about my list though (to prove how crazy I am).
- I choose a color ink for the "notebook" and stick to it. Oh man, you won't see blue ink, black ink and pencil in my notebooks. Oh no no no! I pick and stick people.
- I choose another color for my "cross off" ink, which is usually a sharpie. I stick to that as well.
- You should also know that i don't scribble, or doodle. Never have, never will. My school notes were always perfection.
- I make notes on the left of the note book, and keep the list on the right. For example "call Seven Peaks" would be on the right. The left would say "left message 11/4 at 11:23 am" or "emailed 11/4 and 11:23 am". Hell, at least I know right?
- I always save my notebooks. I almost cried when I left Christmas Box House and threw them away.
Here is an actual picture of my current notebook...5. Money: I always know how much money I have in my account. I keep all of my receipts from every debit purchase and I balance my checkbook every day. Seriously, every day. I keep my register up to date and put a check mark next to the transaction once it clears. This means I check my online banking every day. I also pay my bills the day I am paid. It doesn't matter if it's an online payment that won't process for 10 days. In my opinion that money is gone on pay day.
Ok, this list is starting to depress me. It depresses me because this could easily go on and on. It also depresses me because I realize that nearly all of my blogs are numbered. What the?
So I put it to you dear readers, what else do I do? You all pick up on things more than I do. Feel free to mock me for it or fill me in on how YOU are OCD.
ps-on a side note, going to Minnesota tomorrow! Woot woot! VERY last minute trip. And by last minute I mean, Seth decided this at 6:00 am. Going to check out the scene, HOPEFULLY stop by Make-A-Wish there, meet the docs and get a job offer? Mid-west here we come!
pss- Thanks Matt & Whitney for the Jazz tickets last night! We killed the Spurs, who we normally lose to. You all have me to thank. They felt my love last night and played well. I think you guys should start a fund to help me get to as many games as possible. Very important. Very very important. Go Jazz!
So here are some random thoughts, things to keep you entertained.
Second, today is election day! Woot woot! Ok, in all honesty I have no idea who is even running today. What I do know is that on my commute to work I made it a point to honk and wave at all the volunteers holding signs on the street for thier candidate. It would make them so happy that I would acknowledge them. Ah, democracy, gotta love it. Also, Make-A-Wish is a polling place today. I keep catching "old lady" perfume scent wafting down the hall. Love the old voters. Way to go!
Really, last year was great. I love big election years. I loved all the hoopla leading up to the election. I loved the debates, the pundits, the issues, the fights, the drama (ahem, Pallin). I loved it all.
Well part of my obsession led to an obsession with "The Wiz" aka...the black Wizard of Oz. Have you guys seen this movie? It is so awesome and has an all-star cast! Michael Jackson (may he rest in peace), Diana Ross and Richard Pryor. The funny thing about this is that I have never actually seen the end of this movie. I had a tape of the movie that we recorded off the TV so I don't know the ending. Sad.
Anyway the best song from the show is MJ singing "Ease on Down the Road". I found the lyrics quite applicable today.
'cause there maybe times